Molto Bene!

I love coffee. I love tea. I love espresso. I love caffeine! Just like my hero, Giada di Laurentiis, I love caffeine and I love chocolate. I am speaking in simple sentences because I have been overwhelmed by yet another product by Mr. Joe, the Trader.

You know you love Trader Joe's and you might have affectionate nicknames for this store. Trader Hoes, Trade Your Hoes, Trading's Gross, etc. It is an intimate atmosphere where you can find organic food, wine, and other obscure items that are cherished in the culinary world. I can spend hours in this trading post wandering up and down the aisles to stare at things like wheat germ, couscous, and organic dog food, and yes I am serious. Though usually, I spend less than an hour at Joe's, and most of the time spent inside is checking out the beautiful boys, but that is entirely beside the point. (Check out Silverlake TJ's for a fabulous selection of produce, cheese, and real beautiful man meat. Ooh aah. >:D)

I was standing in line to check out and I spotted a box of espresso chocolates, made by this trading Joe. There inside a small morsel of dark chocolate is an espresso center. I don't normally go out to buy candy because I am not a big candy eater. But this box caught my eye. It called my name. It was such a pretty hue of blue! I tossed that shit right into my basket. Score one for the stock manager of Trader Joe's Glendale, because he/she obviously understands the game of impulse buying.

When I opened the box, I was delighted to see many individually wrapped pieces of candy. I salivated with joy. I took one out to unwrap it, twisting the ends and peeling the wrap down the middle was titillating. As I popped it into my mouth, I was greeted with instant gratification. I let out a very Giada de Laurentiis type of moan, the kind of reaction she releases when she tastes her own food. "Mmmmm it's sooo creamy and thick and rich!" Oh yes, Giada...creamy, thick, and rich. I love it, too.

As I continue to let the candy melt, all of a sudden...

The chocolate candy burst! Espresso erupted from the dark, nugget piece. It was a warm liquid, that rushed into every crevice of my mouth and danced on the receptors of my tongue. I felt my eyelids peel back as the espresso made its journey through my system. Why yes, caffeine's effects are that instantaneous on me! I had never experienced such a feeling from a piece of candy before, let alone food!

Oh, you can interpret this feeling and liken it to something else stupidly sexual, ya nasty sicko...or wait, maybe that's just me interpreting it that way. Because when I realized how orgasmic I reacted, I busted out laughing. What other could I have reacted to such a response than to laugh?

That's how Giada might react if candy just splooged in her mouth, as well.

Trader Joe's Espresso Chocolate candies are a delicious treat that can give you a small, sensual boost of espresso and chocolate. It comes in small portions, individually wrapped so you don't go overboard on your pseudo-sexual feast. If you can accept the fact that this candy spurts liquid in your mouth, I highly suggest it! And I love suggesting. Thank you for this product, you dirty, dirty Trader Joe.