Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Distorted Body Image

It has been a while that any one has heard from us. I have decided to break the silence with something that irritated me beyond belief. I have recently begun to make lifestyle changes to reduce my pound-packing. I am exercising more, trying to get my heart pumping and my feet moving. I am eating less food. Yeah, no more trips to Philippe's. At least for the while. I might have a bit of a horrible body image of myself but that's because I have a legitimate reason. I am undeniably overweight.

Just now, I finished my lunch. I had a diet green tea and apparently diet drinks aren't too great for you because of the fake sugar, but I honestly don't care. It's diet. I'm drinking it. At least it's not soda. I also had a California Roll from the Sierra Center at CSUN. Yummerina! As I was searching for a place to feast on my lunch, I noticed that the Sierra Center was quite packed today. In fact, for some reason, lots of people decided to go to school today. There was a mad traffic rush on campus. Go figure. I was stuck with a two-seater table outside on the balcony of the second floor CSUN. I was searing in the hot sun, my back as my only shield from the light. To my right, I was overhearing two fellow students' conversation. It was one girl and one boy. At first it was insipid, the type of thing you listen to but just roll your eyes because it doesn't concern you.

I ate my California Roll quite happily. They were discussing school. She said "my god, I was so late, it's so bad" blah blah. He asked "why were you so late? where do you live?" She went on to say "oh you know, I'm a girl, I have to get ready, do my makeup, yadda yadda" bleggablahblah. She then went off on how "FAT" she was.

"I weigh 120 pounds," she said with a heavy, lazy, San Fernando Valley accent. "God, I'm like so fat."

He went on to say. "Damn, you are fat. You're lucky I'm even hanging out with you."

I thought they were just being sarcastic, because that Valley accent has a real nasty sarcastic, cynical tone to it. However, she kept going on about how thin she was in high school, how much muscle she had, the sports she played. He did the same as well.

I had never felt fatter in my life. I almost didn't want to continue to eat my delicious California Roll because they had made me feel like me at my weight which is um...above the 120 pound mark that I shouldn't eat one more thing because it will add much more. I was disgusted at them and disgusted at myself.

Then I realized that they are the ones with horrible body image. I finally took a glance at them and they looked dishevelled and unkempt. They are the products of Boringville, population: THEM. I am the one who is so proud of myself because I had shaved off a good four pounds in the last three weeks. I am the one who always wants to look presentable because I realize that I am worth it.

The state of being fat has to do with the mind. I might be classically called "fat" because I look like it but I don't think I'm fat because I am changing my attitudes. I am working towards a healthier lifestyle. While people like those two I encountered today are "fat" because they believe they are. It is all in the mind. If you like to continue thinking that way, you will stay that way unless you change that negative vibe you are putting out there.

:D And smile, for goodness sake!