Porking

I inadvertently ate pork today. I was at school and true to form, it was over 100 degrees in the San Fernando Valley. I was craving a cool, refreshing, relatively light lunch. There is a mini-deli/sandwich bar in the cafeteria at CSUN, aka the Sierra Center and arguably has some of the best food on campus. Its proximity to all my classes makes it a double treat. So I got a turkey cranberry sandwich, which was pre-made. All pre-made sandwiches come with an optional choice of two side dishes, so I chose a very pretty fruit salad medley and potato salad.

I noticed brown pieces in my potato salad when I sat down to eat it. I was outside, stewing in the San Fernando musty heat. I ate my potato salad.

A symphony of glorious hymns opened up from the heavens. The land shook mightily, bowing to the sensational wonderment happening on my plastic take-out plate.

It was bacon potato salad. Huge chunks of salty, cured, pork product were stirred into a frenzy of potatoes, mayo, and jumbled blend of seasonings!

I have not eaten bacon in years. Mostly due to my love of pigs, but also because as I have matured, I am choosier in my meal selections.

But the bacon potato salad was pure gold. If you have ever wondered what sin tastes like, then taste bacon potato salad. Or eat cheesecake, you know, something like that.

Or have some crispy brown sugar bacon atop a savory cheesecake. That's not even eating sin. That's the luxurious taste of damnation!


Bottom line: It was good, though. I won't make the mistake of having it again, but it was good.

I Could Be Giving Up Beef

I think it's time for me to stop eating red meat. The reason for this is because every time I consume it, let's just say that though I have employed the soldiers in the Activia yogurt brigade, they repeatedly lose the war in the battle of digestion.

This has been a very recent occurrence. For years, I could eat beef with very few consequences. Well except for a bulging waistline, but I don't attribute that to beef eating. Honestly, beef has so many nutrients that my poor malnourished body needs. I have suffered from iron deficiency anemia in the past, and I notice I tend to crave something big and beefy and no, I don't mean sex. Even though sex is something the body needs too, right?

I live with a vegetarian, so even when there is some meat in the house, it's usually chicken or fish. However, I enjoy eating beef. I don't eat it often, but when I do, it's a lovely piece of meat for me. There's just something about chowing down on the tough flesh of a bovine that really excites me. It triggers the primal instincts, hearkening back to the days of my squatting, hunting, carcass-chowing ancestors.

So for the while, I'm thinking of going off the beef, maybe only for a little while. I'm going to miss it in the meantime. Especially those Chipotle burritos.

Movie Review: Smart People (2008)

(This has been brought over from my personal blog http://www.meltacklesliterature.blogspot.com)




Here's the basic jist of this film: We have a douchebag English professor (oh gee, I don't know what that is!), played by Dennis Quaid and his dysfunctional family. There's his neglected poetry-writing son (Ashton Holmes), his no-good adopted brother (Thomas Haden Church), and his overbearingly smart Republican daughter (Ellen Page, of Juno fame). Sarah Jessica Parker also contributes as the love interest of Dennis Quaid.

I have been craving offbeat, out-of-the-ordinary films because I find the mainstream blockbusters to just be terribly blasé and the same old clichéd shit. This is not to say that I don't enjoy them. I just search for something a little more cerebral, something to tickle my fancy.

So I wanted to like this movie, truly. There's an English professor, there's a lot of talk about literature, the guy's wife died, leaving a young daughter and a son, who are both messed up. It relates to me a on a personal level. The problem with this movie is that it really lacks substance. This movie fails to connect with its audience, even myself, who can relate to the premise of the film. Dennis Quaid's character, for lack of a better term, is an asshole from start to finish. He finds a love interest and that's the part of the movie where you see the character's evolution from ass to class. He never goes through that--he stays the same very unattractive person and only gains a fraction of heart through his love with Sarah Jessica Parker's character.

Another thing I had a problem with was Ellen Page's character. I've got to admit, I enjoyed watching her in Juno. She plays this character the same way she played Juno, with that smart tongue and know-it-all bravado. She's a conservative Republican and it is apparent that she is very scarred by her mother's death but hides it. She never does what she wants, always inhibits herself. By the end of the film, we see her wanting to break out of her self-imposed shell but still...we as an audience feel absolutely no sympathy for her. There is no character evolution.

Finally, the film itself is pretentious. The title, Smart People, suggests a very holier-than-thou attitude right off the bat. Yes, I picked up the movie because I was drawn to the holier-than-thou title, but like I said, I wanted to see smart people. These were not smart people. These were bland characters that spouted off intelligent words and phrases to sound smart. The writers liberally sprinkled the script with these "smart" words to make it stand out but it fails miserably because it sounds so forced and unnatural.

Like I said, I wanted to like this movie. The soundtrack fit the scenes well and sounded solid, like Juno's soundtrack. So if you're thinking, "well it's an indie film. Of course it's not going to be all roses and candy." A successful story has to relate to the audience, it has to stir the audience to elicit sympathy or some type of emotion, be it fear, happiness, love, sadness, whatever it is. But it's such a slow-paced film, with nothing endearing that I have to give it a big thumbs down. Now I kind of feel like watching Juno.

Los Angeles Weeps

Congratulations, Boston 2008 NBA champs. You had a great team this year and God damn, do I love your colors.

But we'll be back next year...

Chin Curtains

Many men have several wonderful things about them. Aside from his nether region, facial hair may well in fact be one of the most amazing secret physical attributes a man can possess. I'm not going to speak for all women, because I know A LOT who would completely disagree with me, but for the sake of this entry, I'm going to go by what I personally like and dislike. I'm not going to lie; if done correctly, a scruffy, hairy face can be devastatingly attractive. I'm talking weak in the knees-getting kind of hot-I want to ravage your manly face-I think I'm going to faint, attractive. Unfortunately though, I've been seeing a lot of facial hair faux pas lately, and it's a damn shame.

First off guys, know if you can even pull off facial hair. A lot of men CAN'T. If you only have a few whiskers here and there, don't try to grow it out. It looks funny when the majority of your face is bare, and there are a few little hairs poking out. It just makes me want to grab a tweezer and yank it off of your face.

If you are blessed with the ability to grow facial hair, be aware of what you will look like. Obviously, this guy didn't, and he looks creepy.

PEDOPHILE!

Once you grow your hair, you may think it's time for you to have fun and decorate your face with all sorts of designs, but you're WRONG!

A lot of guys nowadays are sporting the "anchor." If you come across someone with this facial hair design, it is approximately 93% guaranteed that he will also be fashioned with an oversized diamond earring or two, along with overly styled and gelled hair. Any man who takes this much time and precision to shape his face hair in perfect acute angles and lines is way too high maintenance and is instant grounds for elimination.

FAIL!

Goatee/mustache ensembles on the other hand should not be taken lightly. It takes a certain kind of man to pull this off. Think Robert Downey Jr. in Iron Man. A very attractive guy if I say so myself. He looked pretty good in that movie, and the facial hair just added to the effect of the character. He was able to pull it off. But personally, this look can have a "pretty boy" effect if not done correctly. Eh, not so much a fan of the pretty boys, but if it works for you, then I guess it's ok.

PASS.

A mustache alone though is something only dads wear. I have yet to meet a single, childless man with a solitary mustache. I suppose it's a right of passage for all fathers to sport the mustached look. Be cautious though, because you're venturing into Ned Flanders territory, okily dokily?




Now, I've never really understood the soul patch look (also known as the flavor saver.) I'm not saying it looks bad. In fact, I think it looks pretty cute. The only thing that bothers me is the fact that it's so small. Almost non existent. It almost has the effect of looking like you missed a spot while shaving. I say let your garden grow all the way, or mow the lawn completely. Just a suggestion.



In regards to sideburns, I'm for them 100%. You can't go wrong with them, unless they're mutton chops. If you don't know what that is, refer to facial hair type guide above. But, even then, the mutton chop isn't so bad. After all, Wolverine from X-Men rocked them.

Now, for the crowning glory of facial hair. The five o'clock shadow! This is personally my ultimate favorite. And lucky for you boys, it's probably the easiest to achieve. I guess what I'm getting at is, don't try so damn hard. It's ok not to shave and let those babies go wild on your face. You have no idea how sexy that is.

YES!!



Another good thing about Five o'clock shadows is that they eventually turn into BEARDS! Yes, I'll admit it, I love me some sexy man beards. They are just so masculine and insanely attractive. NOT santa claus status of course, but when it's well maintained and kept clean, I'm all for it. I don't know why. I suppose the unkempt, mountain man, rough and rugged look makes my knees wobbly and does me in. You can't go wrong with a good sexy beard.

Shoot, even the Omega himself rocked it.

The Lameness Of It All

Teenagers are lame.

(I'm trying to be less long-winded as I have the propensity to write in long, convoluted sentences).

Distorted Body Image

It has been a while that any one has heard from us. I have decided to break the silence with something that irritated me beyond belief. I have recently begun to make lifestyle changes to reduce my pound-packing. I am exercising more, trying to get my heart pumping and my feet moving. I am eating less food. Yeah, no more trips to Philippe's. At least for the while. I might have a bit of a horrible body image of myself but that's because I have a legitimate reason. I am undeniably overweight.

Just now, I finished my lunch. I had a diet green tea and apparently diet drinks aren't too great for you because of the fake sugar, but I honestly don't care. It's diet. I'm drinking it. At least it's not soda. I also had a California Roll from the Sierra Center at CSUN. Yummerina! As I was searching for a place to feast on my lunch, I noticed that the Sierra Center was quite packed today. In fact, for some reason, lots of people decided to go to school today. There was a mad traffic rush on campus. Go figure. I was stuck with a two-seater table outside on the balcony of the second floor CSUN. I was searing in the hot sun, my back as my only shield from the light. To my right, I was overhearing two fellow students' conversation. It was one girl and one boy. At first it was insipid, the type of thing you listen to but just roll your eyes because it doesn't concern you.

I ate my California Roll quite happily. They were discussing school. She said "my god, I was so late, it's so bad" blah blah. He asked "why were you so late? where do you live?" She went on to say "oh you know, I'm a girl, I have to get ready, do my makeup, yadda yadda" bleggablahblah. She then went off on how "FAT" she was.

"I weigh 120 pounds," she said with a heavy, lazy, San Fernando Valley accent. "God, I'm like so fat."

He went on to say. "Damn, you are fat. You're lucky I'm even hanging out with you."

I thought they were just being sarcastic, because that Valley accent has a real nasty sarcastic, cynical tone to it. However, she kept going on about how thin she was in high school, how much muscle she had, the sports she played. He did the same as well.

I had never felt fatter in my life. I almost didn't want to continue to eat my delicious California Roll because they had made me feel like me at my weight which is um...above the 120 pound mark that I shouldn't eat one more thing because it will add much more. I was disgusted at them and disgusted at myself.

Then I realized that they are the ones with horrible body image. I finally took a glance at them and they looked dishevelled and unkempt. They are the products of Boringville, population: THEM. I am the one who is so proud of myself because I had shaved off a good four pounds in the last three weeks. I am the one who always wants to look presentable because I realize that I am worth it.

The state of being fat has to do with the mind. I might be classically called "fat" because I look like it but I don't think I'm fat because I am changing my attitudes. I am working towards a healthier lifestyle. While people like those two I encountered today are "fat" because they believe they are. It is all in the mind. If you like to continue thinking that way, you will stay that way unless you change that negative vibe you are putting out there.

:D And smile, for goodness sake!