First off guys, know if you can even pull off facial hair. A lot of men CAN'T. If you only have a few whiskers here and there, don't try to grow it out. It looks funny when the majority of your face is bare, and there are a few little hairs poking out. It just makes me want to grab a tweezer and yank it off of your face.
If you are blessed with the ability to grow facial hair, be aware of what you will look like. Obviously, this guy didn't, and he looks creepy.
PEDOPHILE!
Once you grow your hair, you may think it's time for you to have fun and decorate your face with all sorts of designs, but you're WRONG!
A lot of guys nowadays are sporting the "anchor." If you come across someone with this facial hair design, it is approximately 93% guaranteed that he will also be fashioned with an oversized diamond earring or two, along with overly styled and gelled hair. Any man who takes this much time and precision to shape his face hair in perfect acute angles and lines is way too high maintenance and is instant grounds for elimination.
FAIL!
Goatee/mustache ensembles on the other hand should not be taken lightly. It takes a certain kind of man to pull this off. Think Robert Downey Jr. in Iron Man. A very attractive guy if I say so myself. He looked pretty good in that movie, and the facial hair just added to the effect of the character. He was able to pull it off. But personally, this look can have a "pretty boy" effect if not done correctly. Eh, not so much a fan of the pretty boys, but if it works for you, then I guess it's ok.
PASS.
A mustache alone though is something only dads wear. I have yet to meet a single, childless man with a solitary mustache. I suppose it's a right of passage for all fathers to sport the mustached look. Be cautious though, because you're venturing into Ned Flanders territory, okily dokily?
Now, I've never really understood the soul patch look (also known as the flavor saver.) I'm not saying it looks bad. In fact, I think it looks pretty cute. The only thing that bothers me is the fact that it's so small. Almost non existent. It almost has the effect of looking like you missed a spot while shaving. I say let your garden grow all the way, or mow the lawn completely. Just a suggestion.
In regards to sideburns, I'm for them 100%. You can't go wrong with them, unless they're mutton chops. If you don't know what that is, refer to facial hair type guide above. But, even then, the mutton chop isn't so bad. After all, Wolverine from X-Men rocked them.
Now, for the crowning glory of facial hair. The five o'clock shadow! This is personally my ultimate favorite. And lucky for you boys, it's probably the easiest to achieve. I guess what I'm getting at is, don't try so damn hard. It's ok not to shave and let those babies go wild on your face. You have no idea how sexy that is.
YES!!
Another good thing about Five o'clock shadows is that they eventually turn into BEARDS! Yes, I'll admit it, I love me some sexy man beards. They are just so masculine and insanely attractive. NOT santa claus status of course, but when it's well maintained and kept clean, I'm all for it. I don't know why. I suppose the unkempt, mountain man, rough and rugged look makes my knees wobbly and does me in. You can't go wrong with a good sexy beard.
Shoot, even the Omega himself rocked it.
